The Emotionally Intelligent Reprimand

A big part of leadership is getting people to "follow our lead" and support the overall vision. It is common for people to fall off course at times and when this happens it is critical, as a leader, that you redirect the person in a way that not only corrects the unwanted behavior, but also encourages the person to take ownership of the situation and walk away from the experience feeling positive and supported.

The EI (Emotionally Intelligent) objective of any reprimand is to focus all the energy on correcting the behavior, and none on punishment. In the past, the process was to soundly berate the offender, as an emotional extension of the manager or leader's anger, for enduring a disruption to his or her day. When they do that, a good portion of the energy of the offender is absorbed in being the brunt of that anger, and both parties leave believing the anger outburst is both the punishment and the correction. The reality is that none of that meeting was directed to helping the offender become the major part of the solution, nor employed in a positive way to resolve the issue on their own.

Here is a fail-safe EI step-by-step process for doing that.

(1) When your anger subsides, arrange for a personal meeting, in a quiet location away from others, and arrange for no interruptions, cell phone and computer off.
(2) Begin the meeting by letting the person know that something happened you wanted to discuss openly, and get their input, because of the respect you have for them.
(3) State exactly what you understand happened, and ask them for their recollection of the event. (Don’t go further until you both have a consensus as to what happened)
(4) Ask that person how that action negatively affected the Company or you personally. (Do not proceed until you have a consensus.)
(5) Ask what that person might do to correct this from happening again. (Let this come from the other party, and suggest options only if needed. Do not proceed without a consensus.)
(6) Set a date to discuss this again, at most thirty days out, so they report how well they have done.
(7) Leave them with this statement. “The meeting went great, and my bet is you’ll make this happen” (People rise to expectations of those they respect).
(8) Make sure there is a follow up meeting, and congratulate them on their success. This becomes their reward for doing well.

This process focuses all the energy on the correction, on none on relieving anger, or having the offender become its brunt. This process empowers the offender to acknowledge their own issues, and be keenly aware of how it affects others. It ends by having them come up with the solution to correction, and you are championing their decision. The second meeting is their reward for doing well.

Positive reinforcement, from those they respect, makes them feel good about themselves, and in the process, make them more committed to doing well by you.